Was in Dallas for the last three days.  Very good trip with the boss and the higher ups!  It's good to see these people out of their normal work element.  I can honestly say that I work for one of the biggest instigators in the world!  I am so happy here and thank God that I made the decision to move to this group when I did.  People listen to me and respect me, without my having to force the issue.  Many people that I've never heard of know me out there and when they saw me, they came to meet me and start asking questions. I also saw a few people that I used to work with that have also joined this group. That's a very good feeling!

I heard a lot about what's happening out there and had the opportunity to voice my opinion and questions in the "all hands" all day meeting.  Went to dinner that night and won $5.00 on the food eating contest.  Toooo funny.

I'd like to do more traveling for the company and may get the chance to with the next project I've been assigned.  Way lots' o' work and looking forward to it!!

Where am I:: Work
My mood is:: grateful

Well... I've received an email everyday just saying "Hope you have a great day!" or a similar sentiment.  Even in Dallas!  It's pretty cool actually.

Received one this morning asking about Friday night, not thinking that that was still going to happen, I replied strangely then re-replied.  Hope he doesn't think I'm an idiot; I just think things through even after I answer the question and need to add information... Haven't heard back yet, but might not for alittle while.  It brightens my day that someone is actually sending ME communications instead of insisting that I be the one to initialize conversations.  It's a nice change.

Where am I:: Work
My mood is:: happy
Listening to:: None

I am really nervous about an upcoming meeting in 30min.  HUGE project!!
On the way into work, I was thinking of someone and, lo and behold, I received an email saying, "Hope you are having a great day!"

That was unexpected, very nice and timely!  YAY!

Where am I:: Work
My mood is:: nervous
Listening to:: None - studying the agenda

Well.... I think I am confused.  What do you do when you love someone but don't think you can possibly live with them for the rest of your life?  

Do you go back to the "comfortable" even though you know that won't ultimately make you happy?  
Do you go back to the "comfortable" because your children need the parental supervision that your spouse is seemingly unable to provide?  
Do you go back to the "comfortable" because .....?  Or, 
Do you finally take a stand and breakaway because you know, even though you are not truely happy at the moment, you CAN be again with someone else?

I am meeting Steve Monday night.  We'll see how that goes.  I am scared because I've never done the dating thing; getting married  so young.  There is a HUGE part of me that wants to just date and meet people, but another part that doesn't know what to do or how to act.  How open should I be?  I was extremely open with a previous friend and was used, crushed and thrown away like yesterday's trash.  This, by a person that, although I knew he was capable of it, I never imagined would do it to me!

...I think that is why I am so scared.

God, this land of confusion is eating me away... slowly...

Where am I:: Work
My mood is:: contemplative
Listening to:: Breakaway - Kelly Clarkston

I am sitting here with (what I just found out) a tension headache the size of Texas.  Can't even take my sunglasses off, although I am in the office.  My sight is blurred and I am nauseous, not even sure what I am doing here.   My entire system is screwed up!  

Tonight is supposed to be one of the greatest nights and I cannot, at this point, even look forward to it.  I will, again, cry and cause myself more headache issues.  I will cry myself to sleep for the 10th day in a row...  At least I know this in advance.  

I know why these headaches now appear but cannot do anything about them until my very smart mind convinces my heart that I have to drop it and move on.

How do I do that???

Where am I:: Work
My mood is:: nauseated
Listening to:: Can't even think about that

Well... the saga continues.  RF now has until NOON today to contact the Deputy.  If she does not, she will be stripped of her Titles, and that is NEVER a good thing.  I am so saddened by her silence and childishness.  I never would have thought that she would be so stubborn as to not make contact prior to now.  It has been going on for 2 months now and the entire group is drained of it.  All that she has said and done will now potentially come back to haunt her.  I really do not want this for her but, you know, there are people in life that cannot see the forest for the trees, and she seems to be one of them.

Interestingly enough... I have (now had) a few friends like this.  I am drained with these issues.  The light that I try to shine is somehow bent with these people and I cannot continue to shine in these places anymore.

Where am I:: Work
My mood is:: anxious
Listening to:: Better World

Perhaps apethy is the best policy...

My mood is:: apathetic
Listening to:: Landslide

Who knows why people decide to ignore you when you have, at least in your own mind, done nothing wrong.  You've tried to be there for them, just to be cast away like you never mattered at all.  It is a painful experience and one that I would not recommend to anyone!  You sit wondering what happened, what did I do wrong?  Was I too accessible?  Was I too positive? The only thing that you are left to know is that you have been dismissed; PERIOD.

I can't seem to get over this.